just go ahead and let your hair down

2011-07-01T00:47:00.002+08:00

i rarely blog here anymore & i doubt anyone is still coming to my blog. but i guess this blog is still the best avenue for me to express myself.

these two weeks break often left me with deep feelings of emptiness which i can't explain why. not that i am complaining about having a break..i know i really needed this break after such a hectic semester. it's just that at moments i feel so alone. sort of being forgotten. i know i can't expect 24/7 attention from anyone because personally i would not be able to offer that to anyone too. but it's just that sometimes you look around at couples and see how they have each other to rely on.

i keep telling myself to focus on finishing my studies first before thinking about romance. a long time ago i had experienced how emotionally weak i could be & what an impact it could cause on my studies. but honestly at the end of the day..i can't help but wish that there is this somebody that i could share my up's and down's with.

sometimes i wonder if it's my problem. why in the 23 years of my life i hardly had any encounters with love? and for the fateful one that i had was one that society would not agree to. am i trying too hard or am i not trying hard enough? should i be sitting down here waiting for things to happen or should i go all out in search?

sometimes i wish i have a clear answer to this. i think i have been watching too much korean drama. they are really not good for mental health. giving people all these wrong & unrealistic expectations for love. how do you have faith in everlasting love when human hearts are constantly changing?

no-one ever stay the same forever.

another reason why i may be feeling this down is because i misses home so badly. i can only go back in dec which is still a good 6 months away...another half a year! this would be the longest period that i am staying in perth. 10 months. i really have the urge to go home during my next 2 weeks break but i know that would be totally illogical. sighh...

2011-05-18T16:02:00.005+08:00

I swear to never stoop down to a level as low as them.

I swear to always keep my cool.

To forgive & forget.

That's how I function all the times through these years in this stupid country filled with pea-brained racist people. But seriously, this time round it JUST TOO MUCH!!!! pardon my rudeness but this going to be a post filled with anger and vulgarity.

I am super pissed with this particular fucking lecturer! The biggest irony is that she is teaching us about prejudice, discrimination and stereotypes. What the fuck?! You this stupid racist not doing what you preach.

First of all, you don't give us Asians the basic respect! Hello!!!! For your information we are all unique individuals so like all of our other ang moh classmates, WE HAVE NAMES! please don't classify us as the "international students" or only remember one of our name and classified us as "Mary etc.". To start with all of us got our own names. FUCK you!

Next thanks for always picking on us! When we walk in 2 minutes late, you make a great fuss over it. Then when an ang moh walked in 10 minutes late, you don't even give a damn. Fuck you seriously. You just fucking have to make us of opportunity to highlight the fact that we are different from the others. Thanks for making jokes out of us and leading the whole class to laugh with you AT US!

The bullshit reasons that you gave today during our last lecture was the LAST STRAW for me. You told us you have to mark the international students down because English is not our first language so we don't have fantastic grammar and by doing this you are only being fair to the other ang moh students! What the fuck?! So you basically just made a stereotype that all international students have bad grammar? What makes you think that all ang moh have fantastic grammar? For goodness sake you mark according to ability and not by looking at the skin colour! You haven't even read our essay and you are already saying you will mark us down? Thanks for saying all these in front of the whole class and getting into the good shoes of all our other ang moh classmates!

Then you have to continue to come up with the most fucking stupid analogy! You tried to put it into the concept of my dearest home country, Singapore. You say that if the ang mohs went to Singapore and have to write in "Singaporean", they would also not be given any special treatment just because it's not their first language. WHAT THE FUCK???!!!!!

Firstly, we international students did not ever ask or request for any special treatment! We just want you to treat us in a fair and equal manner like the rest. Secondly, get your fucking facts right before making an analogy! There's no such language such as "Singaporean", it's a nationality for fucking sake. We too speak and write English in Singapore. You can't even get this general knowledge right and you tell me that you can be a lecturer! Oh yar, I forget that's because you have fucking great grammar!

If it's not because you would still be marking my assignments, I would just have fucking corrected you in front of the whole class. You this fucking stupid bitch.

Fucking sake you are already a grandmother and you are still so fucking racist. I seriously wonder how you will feel with your grandchildren going through the same treatment in the future!

Wow..i really lose it. I am shocked but how vulgar I can get. I think this is the first time in my life I used the word "fuck" for so many times! For people who know me well, will know that I am never ever this vulgar. This just explains how offended and angry I am!

Feeling better now after ranting all of it out. Now I just want o to hurry graduate and leave this stupid place.

2011-04-09T15:50:00.002+08:00

it comes to a point in life where your birthday becomes just another day...

sort of lost the excitement to celebrate anymore. you are one year older and the sad thing is, looking back you don't seem to have achieved much for the past year. it's the fourth year spending my birthday away from home..maybe that explains my lack of interest in it...seriously can't wait to be home next year..maybe by then i will have new motivation to make my birthday celebrations more happening...

just another day

2011-03-28T00:54:00.001+08:00

(邰肇玫) 妈妈您好吗

妈妈您好吗? 请您别再为我神伤
妈妈您好吗? 我在这里一切如常
妈妈您曾对我说生活要照顾自己
妈妈我要告诉您我已长大您不必惦记
妈妈您记得吗? 我的床边还摆着布娃娃
妈妈您记得吗? 您织的毛衣还绣着蔷薇花
妈妈多少个夜晚想着您想着从前
妈妈多少个岁月是否会让您我都改变

妈妈您知道吗? 这里如此地陌生迷惘
妈妈您知道吗? 这里的日子寂寞孤单
妈妈我想念小时候紧紧牵着您的手
妈妈是否我还是您眼中熟悉的女孩
妈妈您想我吗? 今夜窗外下着冷冷的雨
妈妈您想我吗? 就像现在我想您一样
妈妈我想回家去回去看看亲爱的您
妈妈我是多么地想念您深爱着您

heard this old song while listening to LOVE 97.2.....this is my first time hearing this song but i am surprised how familiar it songs to me...thankful that I am still able to listen to singapore radio station when i am over here in perth. It just sort of bring me closer to home...

another lonely night with just me and the radio

2011-03-20T22:52:00.002+08:00

gosh..i have totally forgotten about this blog of mine. decided to put the blame on tumblr =P was reading through some of my old posts & realised how many trials I had overcome during these few years.. officially a graduate now =) got into dietetics which is like a wish come true for me. but as usual things will not be that easy. shall not complain too much but take one step at a time..

as usual i miss home..haha..after 3 years i am still the same. so predictable. one more year & that's it. pack my bags & go home for good =)

2010-12-13T10:32:00.002+08:00

i am so happy to be going home =) 3 years..finally i can return home feeling like i had accomplished something. glad that this last year is over. tolerating my hsemates for a year do take a toll on me sometimes. now with all of us living the feelings are even stronger. selfish people who are never willing to take the extra mile for the sake of a friend. i think they just bring out my stupidity at times. well at least i get to shift somewhere else next year & no longer need to take such heavy responsibilities.

2010-11-22T22:03:00.002+08:00

tomorrow marks the last official exam for my degree!!! can't wait can't wait!!! even though i am not really done with revision yet =/ my brain a bit dysfunctional..not absorbing too well. but i believe by God's grace i can do it =)

finally my last hurdle =) i dunno how will i feel when i finish the paper tml. a mixture of feelings i guess. happy that I am finally done with my degree and amazed that 3 years have just passed like that...

totally looking forward to the roadtrip with the twins =) lighthouses & caves..

but before that happens..i better get back to my nutritional status notes. and try hard to cramp everything in by tonight =/

wish me luck!

P.S: I know you will be proud of me =) i believe u will be somewhere above witnessing all these.

finally the long awaited moment is here

2010-11-13T01:47:00.002+08:00

6 years..not much to say since i know nothing is going to change. you are never coming back & i still miss you as much.

just imagining how nice it would be to have you here at my graduation. that's it.

back to reality.....

not till you lose something important then will you realise how important it is

2010-11-10T16:27:00.002+08:00

it's been awhile since i have a decent post. i wonder if anyone still reads my blog..it's funny when i remember how diligently i blogged when i was in my first year in perth....

so exams is here again..what's new? =P i am so thankful that i have finally reach my last semester. i am amazed at how time had zoomed past. after this last hurdle, i will finally get the degree that i worked so hard for...it's really not easy. uni life was a lot more stressing than 'o' & 'a' levels for me..i guess it has to do with the big sum of $$$ that my dad is paying. it'll be such a disappointment to fail him. i really pray hard that i can go through all this successfully...it'll be such a waste if i screw things up now =(

so now i am here revising for my first paper. but it's just so hard to concentrate. i have an attention span of a goldfish =/ the weather today is nice..i love rainy days when i am at home..dunno why but rainy days remind me of s'pore...ah....HOME. home is always the best, remember studying for my supp paper at home last year. not that i want to ever do supp paper again, but studying seems easier even at home. come to think of it, i am real thankful & blessed to have pass that supp paper. i just can't imagine having to retake the unit again :/

i think exams make me moody & homesick. missing my dad's soup. i think i dun have enough nutrients when i am in perth having exams. always resort to instant noodle.

13 more days to freedom =) and 1 month then i'll be flying home..can't believe i am going home so late this time..so unlike me..but wells shld use this chance to tour perth abit.

and yes looking forward to my taiwan trip =)

counting down once again

2010-11-10T00:30:00.001+08:00

no matter many people surrounds me here..it never quite feels like home.

2010-10-17T21:15:00.002+08:00

never felt so happy for a long long time already =) the joy of shopping does wonders! i am so glad that the things i bought online turned out to be so good. the quality is fantastic!!! can't wait to wear them..hahaha..now i am so looking forward to wearing them back in s'pore =)

2010-10-10T21:37:00.003+08:00

today..a random thought just pop into my mind..the old memories came flashing back. the days when i was still young & the days when mummy was still around.

i remember those days when val & i would go to the roof garden to ride our bicycles when we had finished our homework. those were the days, when the happiest thing is to play & forget about homework. then a familiar voice would come all the way from the 13th storey balcony. mummy calling us back for dinner. and when we race each other from the lift back to our door..there's the smell of mum's delicious home cooked food lingering along the corridor...

how i wish time would go back to that instant moment.

i want to be a child. stay as a child forever. period. growing up takes too much effort & strength.

can't believe i am still hurting after so many years. i guess there are just some wounds that never heal. leaving permanent scars. sometimes i would imagine how life would be if mummy is still around. i am so sad that mum is not ard when i started to learn how to doll myself up. there's no one to discuss about girly stuff with me. no one to share clothes, make up & accessories with. when i see my friends hanging out with their mum. i would get so jealous & overwhelmed by envy that i could die.

i don't like the feeling of depression because it make me feel weak.

most importantly, i had witnessed how negative thoughts had crashed & destroyed a beautiful life.

an open wound that never heals

2010-09-27T19:40:00.003+08:00

i have been spending so much time on tumblr & twitter that i sort of neglected my blog. nothing much to write though. life is more or less the same.

so i can feel that spring is here with all the crickets coming out again. temperature is much warmer & more bearable now. i am not a great fan of winter. too cold for my comfort. it's tuition free week now so i get to have one week off. glad to have this little break since i was feeling super stressed previously. at least now life is not that hectic.

working on my write up for the dietetics application now. luckily i had wonderful friends who dun mind going through the trouble to proof read for me. really hope i can get into this course even though it means i have to stay for another year in perth. but i dun really mind as long as i can return to s'pore with better job prospects.

it's going to be October soon. can't believe almost half the year is gone. come to think of it..i have been in perth for almost 3 years already..it feel like it's not too long ago that i just board the plane & landed in perth for the very first time.

i actually learned so much for the past 3 years that i am here. every year there are new experiences & new challenges. am really thankful that i managed to survive till now. seriously i think i have grown to be so independent. i learn to be strong & to relay on my own abilities to solve any issues. but thankfully i managed to meet some real nice friends here too. i think they will be the only thing i miss about perth when i return to s'pore for good.

attending daph' & and's convocation made me wish that mine could come faster too. can't wait! can't wait!!!

i hope that spring & summer can allow me to lose all the excess weight i gained during winter. please please, i can't afford to be any fatter =(

believe that you have received it and it will be yours

2010-09-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

我不落泪忍住感觉
哭久了会累也只是别人的以为
冷的咖啡我清醒着一再续杯

i know i am lucky

2010-08-28T21:45:00.002+08:00

i know i am lucky...

i know i am lucky when i still get to savor a warm delicious meal after a busy day.

i know i am lucky when i still get to enjoy a long hot shower after an awful day.

i know i am lucky when i still get to lay on my comfy bed after a tiring day.

i know i am lucky when i still have things to thank God for at the end of the day.

i know i am lucky when i still get to open my eyes to witness yet another day.

i know i am lucky

2010-08-12T17:36:00.002+08:00

i know i should not complain. but uncertainties are driving me mad. too many question marks floating around. i am stuck at a cross road with far too many decisions to make. i hope things will go the way i planned them to be. but i know in life not everything can go the way you want it to be.

too often we get disappointed and simply give up.

if life can just be a simple maths equation

2010-08-11T16:29:00.004+08:00

got to watch NDP online this year =) felt closer to home for that brief 3 hours. the ndp theme song " Where I Belong" by tanya chua just came into my mind. my all-time favourite =) this song reminds me of old times..funny how the lyrics kind of speak to me now. seriously if i had never came to perth to study, i would never know being away from home is so hard. but well i figure it is a good exposure that may be of great use to me in the future.

Morning comes around and I
Can't wait to see my sunny island
In its glorious greenery, whether rain or shine, it's still beautiful
Bright lights shine on the streets at night
Guiding me closer to home
To a place where I'll be safe and warm, where I belong

Chorus:
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where dreams come true for us
Where we walk together hand in hand towards a future so bright
Where I belong, where I keep my heart and soul
Where we're one big family
I want the whole world to know, I want to shout it out loud
That this is where I know I belong

Friends and families by my side
Seeing me through as I grow and learn
Everyday's experience, bitter sweet or sour
They're still wonderful
As they become precious memories
They'll be kept close to my heart
And no matter where I am I will always know, where I belong

dear i never know final semester will be so packed. i have so much stuff to do and i dunno where to start!!!! it's halfway through week 2 already =( i better start pulling up my socks before it gets too late. one more semester and that's it! and so i have to keep reminding myself...

jun took this random photo of me with his super professional and costly camera! it turned out quite nice but my mouth is real big =P

all else seems to fade away

2010-07-31T01:04:00.002+08:00

have u ever wanted something so badly that your heart ache over it & u spend almost every waking hour thinking about it?

finally i have come to the last hurdle in my uni life. but this last semester seems unexceptionally hard. with 5 projects in hand i don't think things are going to be easy.

anxiety crawls in, stress level shoots up and fatness follows.

all these lead to a dream that i had since day one of university. to enter dietetics. i seriously never wanted something else so badly. okay maybe with the exception of wanting mummy to be with me again.

i know there's no use worrying and all i can do is try my very best.

it's never easy

2010-07-22T23:45:00.002+08:00

何时我才会遇见那位骑着白马的王子？

二十二岁的我，和爱神就像是少了一点儿缘。问题出现在那儿，我到现在还是不清楚。

还是一生一世的爱已是一种传说？

我要的很简单。

2010-07-20T23:09:00.001+08:00

no matter how bad things get today. i always keep to a belief.

always believing that i will wake up to a better tomorrow.

i will not let anything get to me.

2010-07-12T01:14:00.002+08:00

how far can i go?

as far as i can go.

how high can i reach?

as high as i can reach.

sometimes you just need that little extra faith when your world seems to be tumbling down.

i don't need words, i need actions.

2010-06-25T18:45:00.002+08:00

i am back home =)

i love the familiar smell of cooking from the kitchen..
i love the feeling of slacking on the sofa while watching the tv..
i love hearing the chattering of the children from the primary school beside my home..

basically i love everything about home =)

roadtrip with lin was fabulous too!! saw rainbows, dolphins and kangaroos =)

LOVE. LOVE.LOVE

nothing beats being home

2010-06-14T19:06:00.004+08:00

tomorrow marks the start of my first paper. hope i don't get my information messed up!! 10 more days and i will be going home =) can't wait..

but i had so much fun during the weekend =) because my dearest lin has arrived in perth!!! went to frementle with and & daph on sat & had an awesome steamboat at their hse =) can't wait to go back s'pore and do fun things tgt!

perth don't seem that bad with my loves here =)

okies back to my books...

when the days are so much shorter because of you

2010-06-10T21:19:00.003+08:00

i hate exams.

i hate winter.

they make me FAT!

hungry and depressed too =(

my brain feels like it has reach saturation point!!!!!!!!!!!

wells at least on the bright side...TAN SILIN is coming tml =)

the only thing that is making me happy & sane.

P.s: i can't believe it's going to be friday. study week just zoom past. as usual.

will You catch me when i fall

2010-06-09T00:05:00.002+08:00

yay!!! finally finish my stupid assignment in the afternoon! although towards the end, i just keep crapping & has absolutely no idea what i am blabbering about =( but i am just glad it is out of way.

Now i can focus on my exams.

only had 4 hrs of sleep yesterday. shall go sleep now and try to reach the library by 8am tml. which equates to waking up at 7am. hahaha...we shall see if i manage to wake up...

trusting in You with all my heart

2010-06-05T23:24:00.003+08:00

Too often we are so caught up by the tiny details that we lose sight of the bigger picture.

Dear Father God,

I have this assignment due this coming tuesday which i have absolute no idea how to complete. I feel so stressed because i should be revising for my exams but is unable to do so due to this irritating assignment =(

I need Your help more than anything now.

With Love,
Your child.

i need more than mere strength, i need a miracle

2010-06-04T02:09:00.003+08:00

skype with family just now =) the first and only time since i came back to perth. it was dadd'y birthday but i didn't get to sing the birthday song =( haha but it's funny when i see some of the cny decorations still hanging at the dining area back home...

can't believe it's the last day of uni tml! i am prepared for the computing test tml but i still have one irritating reflective journal to write. i had been putting it off for too long. it's time i stop procrastinating and start writing something. must get it out of my way before i can start revising for my EXAMS which is just one week away =( oh no...time is really running out. stress levels are escalating in my body..can tell by just looking at the number of pimples popping out from my face =( =(

okies off to sleep and i MUST start writing the journal tml morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wish i could multiply time

2010-06-02T17:39:00.002+08:00

so glad pdp end of semester test is over. a bit nerve wrecking to sit for a 30% test. but too bad i don't have enough time to finish answering the questions =( now i still have a computing test to sit for on friday and a 30% reflective journal due next monday. hate this stupid assignment to the max!!!! totally have no idea how to start writing it...and to make things worse the lecturer for this unit is such a hard marker =( exams are around the corner too....

today is just a bad day. feeling super moody. i really hate the property agents here. totally stupid, brainless, inflexible and lazy. as usual i have to do all the shit and then being taken for granted. sigh.

with all the speculation about city harvest..i don't what to think. i don't even want to think about it. just waiting to see what the outcome. since i am not perfect i don't see myself in any position to comment. life can get so complicating at times....wish it was simpler to lead a life at times.

i am tired. can't wait for all this shit to be over.

i want to go home.

any trials that don't kill you will only make u stronger

2010-05-31T02:00:00.003+08:00

tomorrow marks the start of the last week of uni for this sem! fast isn't it? 2 more weeks and exams will be here again! but i still have 2 tests and 1 assignment left =( so i can only start studying for my exams during the study week. once again i have to try and squeeze everything in one week's time! but i am real thankful that this sem seems to be much better..without nut physio life is so much better. seriously.

i know i have said this a million time but i can't wait to go home =) feeling super homesick these few days. i can't wait to go taiwan next year too!!! seen so many ppl going overseas for a holiday..making me so envious & jealous...

it's sad that i can only enjoy the faster speed of internet in the wee hours of the night =( shall go and sleep and do more studying tml....

and msn is so boring now without pend to entertain me!!!

trying to make things fall into place

2010-05-24T01:08:00.002+08:00

i am having group meeting at 7am tomorrow but i can't fall asleep.

sometimes i hope time can fly so i can graduate faster, but sometimes i hope time can slow down...it's like looking at the sand trickling down the hourglass..

i don't like the thought of time sipping through my fingers..

or should i be more specific...i don't like growing up.

missing those good old days..

don't ask me when i have no idea

2010-05-19T01:40:00.002+08:00

TAIWAN here i come =)

finally booked the flight to taipei for my graduation trip with weiru & stella!!! airasia is having this big promotion now so we rush to book the tickets =)

will be going from 3 jan 2011 to 11 jan 2011 =)

sounds far...but i can wait =)

a dream come true

2010-05-16T21:25:00.002+08:00

there are always two sides to life. good or bad.
there are always two sides to people. good or bad.
so it all depends on us to decide if we want to focus on the good or bad.

some days u just meet shit people who do shit things that pissed u off like mad.
some days you meet people who brings a smile to your face by going that extra mile for you.
what do u want to do?

to stay angry with the people who give you shit or be thankful for the people who made your day extra-special for you?

i choose the latter. to praise the Lord for sending angels into my life.

we can never get the best of all things. you choose to have something then you will have to give up on some other stuff. it's like if you choose to have the ice cream then you will have to forgo the chips. well..if you choose to have both..then all the best for your diet plan.

i am getting more and more disgusted by your actions. your pure insensitivity & all your childish ways. it's a shame that you don't have the basic respect for other people. why do have to put all those expectations on people when you yourself cannot achieve. don't try to tell others what to do when you are not 100% sure that you can do it all the times. we are all just students trying to survive in a foreign country. let's give each other a break when we are all know we have our own problems & issues to deal with. don't walk into my life to try & correct what i am doing. leave me alone just as i have left you alone.

i will never ever allow myself to be as close to you as before. and all your recent actions just made me more determined & certain of my decision.

at the end of this year, we will all go our own separate ways. i will just tolerate your nonsense for another 6 months.

but at this present moment, i will really appreciate that you will take a look at the mirror before pointing your big fat finger at others. please notice the other three are pointing back at you!

despite all these i thank God for placing people like this in my life because through them i learn to become a better person. i learn to appreciate those true friend that i have.

i choose to look at the good side of things.

looking at the other side of the coin

2010-05-15T23:06:00.002+08:00

i miss the long mrt rides home...
i miss the peace i feel while walking home late at night with my itouch plug in..
i miss the taste of SWEET popcorn while watching a movie...
i miss the sunny weather..
i miss the sense of familiarity that i felt wherever i go...
i miss the food...
i miss the family...
i miss the best friends...
i miss the starhub cable tv...
i miss the fast internet speed...
i miss my purple walled room..

I MISS HOME

am real glad & thankful that i am able to go back for a little while in june =) looking forward to all the fun times that i will have!!!!!

39 more days!!!

every breath that i take

2010-05-12T19:05:00.003+08:00

I am going home =) decision made after dad called me to ask about my toothache. i don't think i can tolerate the pain for another semester. so have to go fix it back in s'pore.

so exciting to be going home. this semester seems to zoom past =) i guess it's my last year so to me the days don't seem so long anymore. shall come out with a list of things to accomplish, if not i will be so excited when i am in s'pore that i forget about the things that i wanted to do =)

my to do list

1. Go to the dentist (the first thing to do after my plane touch down..HAHA)
2. Eat kushibo buffet =P
3. Go k-boxing!!!
4. Cut my hair..give it a nice trim
5. Make cheesecake or tiramisu
6. Play wii with parteh animals
7. Catch a movie & have lots of SWEET POPCORN to go along =)
8. SHOPPING!!!!!!!!
9.Do crazy things with my sister & cousins =D
10. Go eat all my favourite food at whampoa!!!

shall add on to the list as time passes..

now i know everything happens for a reason. what may seems cruel 6 months ago, seems like a blessing now. Thank you Lord for making me go through things that i never ever believe i have the ability to go through. Thank you for guiding me back to the right path when i was too distracted with short lived things in the present that i lost sight of what can be in store for me in the future =)

at least for now i can say proudly that if my mum saw all these she will be very pleased & proud of me =)

And God is FAITHFUL; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.

1 Corinthians 10: 13

2010-05-08T23:04:00.002+08:00

how do i explain this empty feeling inside of me?

sigh..there are days when u feel that you are happy but at the end of the day u just feel empty & upset for no reason?

oh man don't tell me i am having some bipolar disorder depression =( or am i just missing home? it's really not healthy to be homesick all the time u know...i thought i could survive without going back this june but i guess the chances are low....

am so looking forward to lin coming even though it will be in the midst of my exams. i guess my dearest lin will be the silver lining of my dark clouds.

i feel so unmotivated these days. i know i shouldn't be slacking when there's 3 reports & 2 tests waiting for me, not to mention the upcoming exams....if i want to spend more time with lin in june i seriously have to put in some hard work now!

should i stay or should i go back home in june? i dun want to waste so much $$ so i can save up for graduation trips but another part of me just misses home too much.

such a dilemma =(

it's just never the same over here

2010-05-08T00:01:00.002+08:00

i am still amazed by the fact that i knew so little about you after being together for so long. or is it actually that long? am i just too trusting or am i plain stupid? sometimes i wonder how i mange to tolerate going through all these. i think i was really blinded. a stupid mistake.

just glad it's over.

i trust & believe people too easily. an attribute that will not bring me far in the future. with all the backstabbing & politics in working environments, i wonder how can i survive? when can i start to learn to protect myself & not allow people to hurt me from time to time?

i wonder when

2010-05-06T16:13:00.002+08:00

Praise the Lord =)

i am so happy!!! got back both of my tests this week. i was just expecting to pass but i actually did great =) it feels good that i am not failing any tests unlike last semester. since it's my last year, it will be my last chance to try to pull up my average and go for the dietetics interview =) and my greatest wish will be to get into the dietetics programme =)

Thank you Lord for bringing me one step closer to my dream <3

i am so much stronger after the break up episode last year. in a way i thank God for bringing me through this heartache. looking back i can proudly say the life i am leading now is much better than before. for it was a wrong decision that had to be corrected.

when you believe you will achieve

2010-04-30T13:13:00.005+08:00

i think my life veer off-course since tuesday! had been too stressed these past weeks so when i finally had my last test on tue, i was gone. since tue i had been spending all my time on hongkong drama. they are super addictive i tell you =( must not let this continue..it's not as if i have come to the end of the semester! i still have 1 project, 2 reports and 2 tests waiting for me!!! and they are mostly due on the last week of semester. so i better start doing some consistent work if not i will just break down towards the end or i will have not enough time to revise for exams.

i have been spending way too much these days!!! money is such an irritating thing..your world can't revolve without it but if you make your world revolve around it, you will become a disgusting & ugly person.

sometimes u just feel so empty in life. one moment u hit way up high, the next moment u go way bottom down. seeing how people took their own life left me puzzled. i wonder if they are regretting it now....this was my friend's facebook status...without God in our life our week will be Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday and Shatterday. to be able to live in this world is a blessing. when you feel u have come to the end of the road. look around you and start counting your blessings. sometimes we get so caught up with our own little sufferings that we forget how lucky we are. it's such a simple concept but too often we are not able to grasp it.

finally made it clear to him. just think it wasn't fair for me to lead him on or give him any false hopes. since i know what i truly wanted i will just make it clear to him. now all i want to do is focus on my degree and strengthening my faith in God. other than all these i think i will take a break from relationship. single-hood is really not that bad =) at least for now.....

super pretty nail art that made my day =)

went shopping yesterday with aud & i guess what i bought??!!! haha..it looks like a tube dress but look carefully it actually a pants at the bottom!!! haha..so cool =) love the design & the pattern but what made me real happy was that it was on 75% sale. so it went from $50 to $12.50!!!!!!! what a deal =)

hereby i proudly proclaim it as the BEST BUY OF THE YEAR =)

i really love this photo=) the streak of innocence that i thought was brutally stripped away from me 6 years ago....

when you keep that smile on no matter what happens

2010-04-24T02:49:00.002+08:00

finally i am done with my nutrition report =) just hope that what i had written is good. now i am left with 3 full days to study for my pdp test on tue..just hope i can make good use of the time. hectic week. barely had time to breathe but glad that i survived!!!! went for my primary school presentation today...the kids are adorable!!! i am so relieved when they are so excited to answer my questions...anything but cold silence. really enjoyed myself..my passion is really in children i guess.

i am so gonna get a good good sleep after tue =) yes i will preserve!!!

to be a child at heart is a blessing

2010-04-21T20:48:00.003+08:00

went freo with the twins during tuition free week. has the best chilli mussels, clam chowder and fish & chips =) time spend with them are always the best!

one thing i really like about perth is the beaches. the blue sea & blue skies never fail to take my breath away =)

so now i am left with my presentation on fri, nutrition report & pdp test on next tue...hope i can survive through this week.....

in the midst of all these i find comfort in You

2010-04-17T18:14:00.002+08:00

“I’ll go out there and make my mistakes. I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up. I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns. I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space. I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar.

Why? Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments, I want to have something worthwhile to watch, with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad. I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to. Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret, it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid.

Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul. Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy. But never forget that you only get one shot. One shot at this day, one shot at this minute. One shot at this age. One shot at life. So make sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments.”

Got this from lin's tumblr =) tumblr is really quite cool! but i don't think i will have the time to manage it if i set up one.

sian sian sian. i only get to live life once & i am using my one shot in life rushing assignments. sometimes i wonder how would life be if we don't need to work or study & just sit around to do the things that we want to do. having a second thought i guess life will be quite aimless then.

talking nosense here. i find that i can be so hard to pleased at times =(

i miss home. miss val. miss dad. miss eug. miss the twins cousins. miss magnus. miss the parteh animals. miss our hangout times. miss their lovely faces.

if i was in s'pore feeling stressed i could have met up with them & start complaining. over here i just can lock myself in the room & suffer in silence.

okies enough of venting. back to work.

if time can multiply

2010-04-15T02:09:00.009+08:00

Updates! Updates!

am writing my nutrition report on spirulina but decided to take awhile to blog about my 22nd birthday =) i was not too excited about being another year older since i am now over the 21 mark.

but my friends did made it very special for me =) all thanks to peggy & florence who did the planning & buying of present & cake! Love u gals loads!!!

the pizza is really yummy & i had a green tea cake =) do i need to say more? anything with green tea taste fabulous to me! haha..yar my little obsession.

later on when i went home, alot of people were there to give me a surprise=) so nice of them all. kim even bake cupcakes for me! and i have to say the cupcake are the prettiest i have ever seen!!!

felt so blessed & loved =)

aloha pizza. the best.

officially 22.

can't wait to eat the cake!

caught by surprise =) beautiful cupcakes!!!

swarovski bracelet

oh and i really like this photo of me holding such a professional camera =)

oh man i really hope i can hurry finish up this report & the powerpoint slides. i even dream about them now. i can't imagine how the following weeks will be..i still have to allocate time for my tests. wells..but i will survive with God's grace =) i believe!

trust in Him & He will deliver

2010-04-12T23:38:00.003+08:00

decided to write a happier post compared to the one i wrote this afternoon.

life can be tough with reports, tests & presentations. but i want to count the blessings that God has showered upon me all this while. i want to be grateful for what i have. it's strange how God has made everything work out when i feel so hopeless & helpless.

how He places precious friends into my life when i was coping with my greatest loss.
how He let me pass my driving on my first try.
how He let me to be able to settle my house issues before i flew back for summer holidays.
how He let me pass my supplementary paper.
how He let me have a family to love & care for me.
how He sees me through the big & small stuff during my 3 years in perth.

God is Real.

He starts loving me even before i believe in Him.

life is filled with good & bad stuff. it just depends on what u choose to focus on.

focus on what you have and not what you do not have

2010-04-12T16:07:00.005+08:00

this is my favourite verse from the bible.

something random but a friend once told me BIBLE = basic instructions before leaving earth.

disappointment in people. disappointment in those so called friendships.

the only thing i can do is to wrap myself around a protective layer & pray that everything will be fine. i am sorry but i find it so hard to trust again. i can forgive. forgiveness can be given instantly but to forget the pain inflicted on me is hard.

i only want to protect myself. i dun want to be so vulnerable. my heart is turning cold & hard. sorry trust is not something that can be retrieved so easily. once gone it is gone.

well i am not concerned about anything else now. all i want is to get my degree and return back to my safety zone. this is not where i belong.

too tired to even care

2010-04-08T01:55:00.004+08:00

i can't believe i am 22 already! =) or =(...haha..i guess it will be =) , not an older year but a better year!

thought daddy & sisters had forgotten about my birthday when the clock struck 12 & they failed to give me a call...but in the end they did call =) missing them like crazy!!!

went for jap buffet at shimuzi grand with my nutrition pals to have a pre-bdae celebration! celebrated with eileen who has the same bdae as me!! =) the food was quite nice..i am so stuffed with sashimi now!!! haha..haven't been this happy for a long time already =)

my fellow 8 april buddy =)

nutrition pals

my fav passionfruit green tea

=) happy birthday eileen!

i still have a pile of assignments and tests waiting for me =( but wells i should have a small break since it's my birthday =) there i go again..me and my little excuses =)

happy birthday to me =)

never underestimate what a smile can do

2010-04-04T01:21:00.002+08:00

happy Easter!!! tml i am going to see this cutie pie =) going to help out in the easter carnival! will be missing the main service & the chance to listen to the choir =( but wells i think God has a plan. i am going to bring joy to these little children tml!!! children = investing in future generations = my passion =) after that i am going straight off to my easter camp. so it will be awhile before i will blog again & i shall return with more photos to share.

now i will have to go to bed. will be waking up so early tml. and i doubt i will be able to catch much sleep in the camp.

for God so loved the world

2010-04-02T03:11:00.016+08:00

it was april's fools day and now it is good friday. i ought to be sleeping now if i dun want to go the mill point picnic at 9am like a zombie. but internet connection is so fast now! i just have to upload some photos to prove that i still have some life in perth =P

it was audrey's 21st and we nutrition pals went to her house for the heaven and hell party. had fun and ate delicious vegetarian food too =)

after the party i still went to watch shutter island at somebody's house with my usual churchie frens =) always enjoy spending time with them...but the movie is...nice i guess..but not to be watched when ur brain is only functioning at half the normal speed. lots of thinking needs to be done...haha..interesting movie but i really hate the scene with lots of squeaking rats =( I HATE RATS!! disgusting stuff.

okies off to sleep..great 4 more hours and i need to go for picnic. good luck to me. i will probably be dozing off on some grass patch.

as usual i hope i am as skinny as my other nutrition pals. if only sugary drinks, chocolates, chips & fried food can all leave me alone =( if i can reach my target weight a celebration should be held. am trying so hard!!! =)

maybe once you put your judgmental glasses down life would turn much brighter

2010-03-30T02:29:00.002+08:00

blogspot just don't let me upload photos =(

oh wells..finally completed my critical reading paragraph. gosh i spend the whole day trying to write one paragraph! but at least i completed it today. just hope that i can be more productive tml =)

internet connection is so fast now. i guess everyone is sleeping now so that's probably why. but there's nothing much to do online too =( should go and have some beauty sleep now.

i hope the 2 weeks of tuition free break can pass as slowly as possible. HAH..what a stupid thought because i know it will zoom zoom zoom past & before i know it..hurray uni resumes =P

life...

had a chat with val dear just now. miss old times when we will talk for ages on the phone =) but i guess daddy will not be too pleased when the bills come in =P

daddy is all stressed up bcos the stupid sentosa resort hotels are snatching their customers away!!!!! humans are like that..always going for new stuff =( hope they realise that the old stuff are still the good stuff.

cheers to a better tomorrow

2010-03-27T16:21:00.002+08:00

firefox is having some problem=( it just doesn't display the font size panel. so i ended up using explorer but it doesn't allow me to upload photos. i guess its my internet connection =( so slow & cranky!

life is getting crazy. its the start of my 2 weeks of tution free but i have so much stuff due after the break. because of my church camp and my birthday celebration. i guess the 2nd week of tuition free will be gone. so i must not slack and do work on the first week.

having said that i feel so guilty now =( i just wasted the whole afternoon away. i am too tired. took a long nice nap =P haven had one in ages! tml i will be serving in kids minstry. it's been awhile since i last serve. just hope i can blend in again.

talking about my brithday being around the corner. i am super excited! will be going for japanese buffet with my nutrition coursemates on 7th april =) i am so looking forward to sushi & sashimi!!! i even dreamt about eating sashimi with val at daddy's restaurant. so torturing when i woke up to find that it's all a dream =( miss home and all the people back there. seriously i think i will go back s'pore to work after i graduate. i don't think i will even try to get PR. spending a few more years here seems so hard for me.

true i have made a lot of good friends in perth. but u know some things juat cannot be repleced. like how i want to stay close with my family. even since mum passed away i know how precious my family is to me. you never know when someone will leave you. i want to try to spend as much time as possible with my fmily. i dun want to go through the same kind of regrets anymore. at the end of the day i want to go home knowing that the house will be filled with people i loved. people that i will always forgive & love no matter how mad they can make me feel sometimes.

another random thought. i apperciate that you will still worry about me. but all is too late now. whatever you do just makes me question how is it possible for you to disappear for 5 mths without a word. i have forgiven you. i am honest when i say this. but to forget is so much harder. this is a lesson that i will remeber forever.

no matter what i just want to thank you. for being the joy & happiness in that period of my life. no matter how short the period is or how faraway the period is now. at least for that period you were the reason that made me smile.

if the person is not worthy of your love, he is not worth any of your time

2010-03-24T14:45:00.002+08:00

22/3/2010 was a very scary day for me =( the day of the big hail storm in perth! major blackout from 5pm to 1 am..almost 8hrs without electricity..it's only at this time that make me realise how reliant we are on light.. living in the drarkness can be so horrible.

but all is good now.

2010-03-22T14:19:00.003+08:00

was looking at the addias website and i saw my dream sports watch!!! =) purple + gold is a combination that will just blow my mind away!!! really want a sport watch for myself...i used to wear the white one that i bought for val ....been waiting for adidas to come up with a nice purple one =) finally it is here!!!

http://www.adidas.com/campaigns/watches_fw07/content/index.asp?strCountry_adidascom=sg&strBrand_adidascom=heritage

i should be doing my research now..haha..as usual alvernia chus is not doing what she is suppose to be doing...all alone in the abacus lab now. i think i am turning into a loner soon =( can't wait to go home and see the result of my braised pork with chinese mushroom =) shall the post the photos up on my food blog when i am free =)

okies back to work.

anyway i am missing home again

2010-03-20T16:28:00.002+08:00

decided to change the layout of my room this year for a change. so my table is not facing the window anymore. i hang up the little Polaroids i took with the parteh animals up =) i am so proud of myself since everything is DIY by me!!! haha..actually nothing to be proud of since it's only putting up a string n clipping the photos on..but i think that's a big achievement for someone as uncreative as me!

went for a talk IMAGE MATTER by a Singaporean lady and she ends up talking about orchard road and sashimi at sushi tei! the 2 favourites of my life! making me emo & homesick all over again!!! =( have been back in perth for 1 month already. surprisingly how time always seem to slow down when i come here. haha..must be the australia slowing down syndrome.

i was planning not to go back sinapore since i may be going melbourne in july. but now i feel like being greedy!!! can i go melbourn and still go back s'pore for holiday? =P i think my dad will be so exasperated by my actions.

Big news! i set up a new food blog..just click on all about food. it will contain some good food recommendations and my own created recipes. but i realize to maintain 2 blogs is not easy. will try my very best to update as often as possible. but my 3rd year is real hectic. i think i will just die in week 8 and 9 when i have 3 mid-sem, 2 presentations and 1 written report!

week 5 and 6 are my breaks =) but i tell you tuition free weeks always zoom past & left u wondering what you have done. you end up feeling so guilty for doing nothing and then just suffer for the follow weeks as a retribution for your own laziness. the worst thing is that you never learn from your lesson & allow the same thing to repeat itself every semester. sometimes i just hope i can have more self-discipline! i am going for my church camp from 4-6 april =) heard the campsite is near a beach & it's fabulous!!! really dun want to miss out so i decided to go=)

so in order to do that i must get most of my work done before i go for the camp!!!! this shall be my goal!!!

May God give me strength, discipline and perseverance. Amen.

my creation

taking a closer look =)

not letting each day pass in vain

2010-03-13T17:17:00.002+08:00

找不到人说心里的寂寞
找不到人懂怕黑的折磨
找不到命中注定在一起的那个人
很多人都像我一个人过生活

爱只有简单笔画却比想象复杂
恨安定爱变化
我爱过几个人也被爱过几遍
却还是没能将幸福留下

爱是不可数的吗为何我还相信
它不是独行侠
我在等一个人在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行别害怕

用不完身边泛滥的自由
开始怕孤单是一种诅咒
羡慕我能飞的人为何在天黑以后
还是宁愿回到爱情那个枷锁

我在等一个人在等我的永恒
告诉我爱不单行相信它

为什么爱能让我们那么难过

2010-03-12T00:48:00.002+08:00

RELATIONSHIPS. LOVE.

what is it? relationships seem so fragile at times. or shall i say all the times. you never know when it'll just turns its back towards you.

the jack neo incident left me wondering..are men all the same? are humans all the same? why are we able to lie to the person who supposedly is the one who we loved most. how can we bear to hurt the other party so badly? are we so weak to succumb to the instant temptation and forget about our long term commitment? i am in no position to judge either his or his wife actions. but all i can say is..i am deeply touched and impressed by the grace and mercy that his wife has shown him. how great is the courage...to be so forgiving after being hurt so badly. even the most innocent and affected party has made the decision to forgive and moved on. so i think being an outsider, everyone should give them space and privacy as none of these events concerned us. just hope that through all these he will learn to treasure and love his wife more.

but then i asked myself. if my husband did such a thing to me. what will i do? how will i react? seriously i have no idea. i am so afraid of getting hurt again. going through it once is a great ordeal for me. come to think of it, it was only a break up.

i am too fragile.

would i be able to open up my heart and let another person enter it again? would i be willing to allow myself to be so vulnerable again? what if i can never meet the one who will love me with all his heart? i know i am asking for the impossible. nobody can ever love you with all his heart and not hurt you.

once you decide to love that person, you are giving him a chance to hurt you.

when there is not much left for you to asked for

2010-03-06T19:35:00.002+08:00

it's strange how differently you treat me now that we are not together anymore. now you have time to chat with me on msn when in the past u were never online. now you tell me you want to come visit me in perth when in the past no matter how i begged you, you did never agree.

strange.people never treasure what they have. now that i have gotten over you. you come running back and say you are sorry. you said you were too stressed over work. but all the explanation you give me just further proves the point that we were just not meant to be together. i would have given in if u had asked me back in December. but i am so sorry to say that at this present moment now i am more than happy that you are out of my life.

nothing. nothing can ever bring us back to where we used to be. i will not turn back & return to the path that had brought me so much pain & agony.

my future does not consist of you in it.

we all deserve better than this

2010-03-06T15:17:00.003+08:00

yes internet is finally back for me =) so now i am in the comfort of my room typing this entry. am thinking of changing the layout of my room. wants a little change for a new start.

1st week of uni zoomed past and there's 13 more weeks to go! 3rd year is not a very easy year..so many assignments & tests!

missing my sisters, cousins and daddy who are all back in s'pore!!! still missing all the reunion dinner & yu sheng that i had eaten. now in perth, instant noodles is my best friend!

like this photo a lot =) all my darlings are inside!

if i could turn back time

2010-03-02T10:33:00.002+08:00

it's irritating to survive without internet =( have to come uni early just to use the internet. miss the wireless back at home! now i feel so faraway from home because it's been ages since i go on msn to chat with my family and friends...hais...i wonder how all of them are doing..

so i just spend the rest of my cny in perth..cny was only 2 days for me =( but wells...I MUST STUDY HARD!! don't wish to go through the same kind of agony again... feeling kind of stressed these days due to the large responsibilities that i have to carried...i hate dealing with monetary issues..so complicating =(

something happened one day before i left sin...only lin mel xiang val met & ime managed to hear the story...want to tell the rest of the parteh animals so badly...actually it was nothing much too.

just a heartless person who left me heartbroken for 5 months now coming back trying to pretend nothing ever happened. i really wonder what is going through his mind. how can he expect everything to go back to the original state when he can't even give me a proper explanation! do he expect me to jump with joy and welcome him with open hands? to me he seem so familiar yet distant at the same time. i wonder did i ever know what sort of person he is. and i realise the answer is NO. to him i am a white piece of paper whereas to me he is a text written in a foreign language.

speechless..

okies should go for lesson now...

here we go again

2010-02-22T21:19:00.002+08:00

hey people i am back!!!!!!

so i arrived in perth on 16 feb and disappeared since then. bcos i was too busy preparing for my supp paper.

and the greatest news is I PASSED!!!!

i am super duper happy =) PRAISE THE LORD =)

am busy with orientation and the re -packing of my room. sadly i haven't got time to restore my internet yet. so i am at my fren's hse using the internet.

will update more the next time!

believe in miracles and it will happen

2010-02-13T17:43:00.002+08:00

it's chinese new year again =)

am at my aunt house waiting to eat our reunion dinner feast!!!! hmm....the smell of the good food is making me all hungry again =) =) i think i m gonna gain a bit of weight..haha..but who can resist good food??!!!

went ding tai feng with the parteh animals last night for our own reunion dinner =) the xiao long bao as usual was fabulous!!! the fried rice was nice too. we even got to lao yu sheng =) love the parteh animals to the max!!!!!

this chinese new year wish is for mel n kaya to stay sweet n loving with their bfs forever & most importantly is for the rest of the parteh animals to find their prince charming =) so next year instead of having 11 people we will have 18 people =P

okies should go off to help in the preparation of the big feast

a reason for us to celebrate

2010-02-02T15:20:00.002+08:00

On this day, God wants you to know that your remedy for anxiety is the question: 'Will this matter in a year from now?' All too often you get so involved in things that you look at life through a microscope. Amplifying manifold, an invisible speck becomes an insurmountable mountain. Put down the microscope and imagine yourself a year from now looking back at today: 'Does this really matter?'

got this from the application on facebook. so true, isn't it? i agree that many of us tend to look at our problems using a microscope. or rather i am the one who's always amplifying my problems. it's true that we often picture ourselves in the worst scenarios. many times we trap ourselves in a box and we use desperate ways to wriggle our way out. however we often ended up banging against the four walls. the thing we need to do is to remove the box entirely. anxiety brings us nowhere. it's like quicksand the more you struggle the deeper you sink.

but it's easier said than done. i remember being so worried about my PSLE, 'O's & 'A's levels. but looking back now...it all seem like a waste of time.

no matter what i believe there's no dead end in life. when God closes a window, He will definitely open another door for you.

don't look at your life through a microscope

2010-01-27T22:21:00.002+08:00

i should stop being so emo and be the sunshine girl i am best known for =) haha..what a self compliment! oh yes...i am so looking forward to this new Taiwan drama!!! my favourite ella is in it =) and yea jerry yan is as handsome as ever =) but sadly i don't think i will be able to watch the whole drama on U channel since i am going back to perth soon...oh wells..this is life..haha..i shall watch it online then. i must get the dvds for this drama!!!

i really like ella a lot!!! i really admire how she can always be so happy and outgoing. seriously as people always said we only get to live life once. even if we are happy or sad , life still goes on. for me i would rather spend everyday being happy.

each day is a gift and not a given right.

i want to be a sunshine girl

2010-01-25T23:05:00.005+08:00

deep blue sea..great blue sky..the soothing sea breeze..mostly importantly wonderful friends =) bintan trip was so fun that i hoped it never did come to an end..

sometimes everything seems so hard..broken promises and shattered dreams. i really want to be able to reach my dream but it just seem so unreachable. taking one step at a time. unsteady steps. i don't want to give up no matter how bad situations turn out to be. i don't want my life to turn up into a mess. it's sad & depressing when i look at some of the adults around me. how they have long given up on the dreams they once had.

will my dreams come true? i really hope they do.

feeling powerless

2010-01-24T21:28:00.018+08:00

finally changed my blogskin to one with a simpler layout. now i don't think i will get anymore complaints =)

oh gosh i realised it has been ages since i last blogged. my last blog was written last year! too many bad things happened and i just became lazy. actually i just needed some time away. i needed time to heal before i can resume the habit of voicing out my thoughts & feelings again.

this is gonna be a long long blog .

it seems like a long long time ago that i last heard his voice. the way he broke my heart was beyond description. his unwillingness to give me an explanation hurt me so badly that i have decided to delete everything that will remind me of him.

but today something happened.

i should not have done it. but i just could not stop myself. i found my fingers dialing the familiar numbers on my house phone. i only had the courage to do it because i know my house number will appear as private and he will never know it was me. i have no idea why i did it. it is not like i'll have the courage to speak. but i think i did it out of curiosity. i just wanted to know if he is still refusing to pick up calls due to fears that it'll be me forcing him to give an explanation. i just wanted to know if he is still using the same number. the dialing tone seems to be ringing for years but i know it was only a few seconds. my head was in a whirl and before i could think of anything else. he picked up.

my mind went blank. my heart wrinkled so tightly against my chest. then his voice came through.

"Hello." silence. i didn't utter a single word. i don't think i even breathed.

"Hello!!!" his voice came through again. this time sounding harsh & impatient. that's it. i hung up.

i could not even take it a second longer. his voice seems so familiar yet so distant at the same time. i can't believe this is the person that i once had so much feelings for. call me silly. call me hopeless. i have no idea why i want to tear open the wound that i had taken so long to stitch up. i had told myself a new year represents a new start and i should not & must not think about this person anymore. i think i just failed my new year resolution.

i can't explain the emotions that i was feeling when i heard his voice. was it fear? was it disappointment? was it sadness? whatever it may be..it just proves a point. i no longer have the courage to face him. i often wonder what would i do if i see him again. now i know the answer. i will just stand in shock & stared. i have no courage to step forward to say hello; neither do i have the courage to turn away and run.

he seems like a stranger now. i asked myself do i even know this person? i knew on the very day that he decided to put an end to this. he was already dead. gone. gone forever from the face of this earth. the person that used to be a phone call away is gone. he's not going to coming back again. no point waiting for a dead person to come back. this is a hard fact that i understand better than anybody else.

however the more i want to erase him out of my memory, the more i find him slipping quietly back into my thoughts. i shall stop trying so hard anymore. decided to let nature takes its course. i believe one day he will no longer be in my thoughts without me even realising it. 人是健忘的。时间可以冲淡一切。我相信。

i truly hope this is the last time i will blog about him.

on a much much happier tone =) i shall talk about my mission statement for this year!!!

heart x love = passion

this shall be my attitude towards everyone & everything in my life. with a heart filled with love, i'll have the passion to excel in everything that i do & the passion towards everyone in my life!

2010 is a exciting year afterall.

now i must make sure i study hard & pass my supp paper. with God, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE =)

awaiting for new surprises

2009-11-20T18:25:00.002+08:00

I AM GOING HOME!!!!!
I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!
I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!
I AM GOING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

shouting it 4 times isn't enough to express my joy & excitement =) 2 more days then i can go home =) wanted to change my flight to the afternoon but sadly it is fully booked! oh wells nvm i have waited long enough..another couple of hours won't hurt that much =)

all my love ones back home please wait patiently for me =) i can't wait to see each and every single one of you <3 <3 <3

thank you LORD for giving me the strength and courage to go through all these =) thank you for making everything work out in the end and a BIG BIG thank you for YOUR unfailing love =)

nothing feels better than this

2009-11-17T11:10:00.002+08:00

finally left with the last paper..but i am losing momentum =(

feeling so tired and drained which is not a good sign. i haven touched anything from this unit yet and now i am only left with 2 days to study..sigh tonight i am still going out for my fren's farewell dinner. i think i will totally feak out tml la...sigh..jia you jia you. i really can't afford to give up now.

trying so hard to make everything ok

2009-11-11T17:58:00.002+08:00

dejected is how i feel right now =( but i can't give up yet, can i?

i hope the other 2 papers will be better..but how? because i was so preoccupied with biochem i barely touch the other two. looking at the amount i have to memorise for nutritional physiology i think not going to sleep for 3 nights may not even be enough. but see i am still wastin my time being online now =( i wonder how i am gg to survive till next thurs. so not in th mood to study now.wells.........

I WOULD GIVE ANYTHING TO GO HOME NOW! =(

slowly losing my grip and fading away

2009-11-10T09:16:00.003+08:00

it seems so ironic when i recall you telling me you will change in 4 mths time when i am back. u kept ur promise. just that u changed in a way that i have neither expected nor wished for. maybe you will never understand how seriously i took all your promises & how stupidly i believe every single word that u say.

one easy paper down. three more hard ones to go =( tml i will be having my second paper then i will be having 2 more next week on mon n thurs. my papers are quite spread out this time round. just hope that i fully utilised all the time and study as much as i could. didn't do much yesterday =( so i must work harder today since it's the last remaining day for me to revise biochem!

okies off to study again!

12 more days...and i will be on the flight back to where i belong <3

through HIM everything is possible

2009-11-06T22:49:00.002+08:00

in the uni abacus lab now..i am suppose to be listening to nutrition i lecture..haha..but guess what i ended up doing? listening to 林俊杰 songs =) i almost forgot how much i love his songs..his songs remind me so much of my sec sch days..when i saved up so long to buy his first album =D

it's FRIDAY!! today was not as productive as i hope it will :( studying 5 days in a row has taken a tow on my brain!!! but i will nv give up!!!

awhile more..just awhile more and u will be home ALVERNIA CHUA!!

back to nutrition lecture..ok but just let me indulge in the voice of JJ lin for a while more :P

a renewed love

2009-11-05T23:06:00.002+08:00

seriously i think global warming is here =( this first time that i feel hot in perth!!! it's only November..it's suppose to be spring not summer!!! i can't imagine how's summer gg to be like..luckily i will be going back home soon =)

it's thursday already!! i just knew study break is gg to zoom past =( i hope all that i have studied these past few days had made their way into my memory stores & will stay there till i finish my exams =)

seriously i rather stay in the library where there's air con =)

yup home sweet home in 17 days =D =D

i still think of u but not as much anymore..i think exams & all these stress made me too preoccupied...which is good..at least i feel happier this way..

can't wait any longer

2009-11-02T22:29:00.002+08:00

the nightmare seems so real..so real that it scares me =( if it ever happens in real life i dunno how i would react...i think all i would do is cry...

2009-10-31T12:14:00.002+08:00

yay!!! i feel so amazed and proud of myself!!! i managed to survive through 3 reports that are due on the last week of sem!!!! Thank you Lord =)

so it's time for me to hit my books alr:) haha..haven been studying for a while due to all the reports! but i hope i can catch up fast!! one week of study break is not that long..before i knew it exams will be around the corner =(

yesterday was the last cell gathering!! i will miss them so much =) all the gathering on fridays &on the good food that my dearest cell members cook =)

i really am very happy & excited!!! 22 more days and i will be going home =)

i realise when i am busy i will have no time to think so much..i really hope that it will stay this way till i am back in sin..bcos i really need to focus now!!!

ohs!! and how i wish i am at and's & daph's party now!!! i miss the parteh animals so much!!!!they should be having so much fun today =) so envious!!!

it is suddenly so near

2009-10-25T21:37:00.002+08:00

"It's often easier to to offer nonjudgmental love to a stranger than to a friend who has disappointed you."

came across this in one of my readings for the 40 days of love. and it strike me so hard. because it is so true. why is it that we can offer forgiveness to a stranger rather than to the people that we truly love & are truly important to us?

EXPECTATION. because we have expectations for the ppl we love and when they fail to meet OUR expectations..we get disappointed. do we realise how much harm we are doing to the relationship by being so demanding, so judgmental and so unforgiving?

when i myself is so imperfect..God has chosen to forgive all my sins. so why can't i offer the same kind of mercy to the ppl i love?

from today onwards i will set my heart to be less judgmental to my love ones because that is what true love is all about=)

to love is to forgive

2009-10-24T16:42:00.002+08:00

i seem to be figuring out some stuff that u nv told me...am i thinking too much or was i too blind to notice before this? i hate to doubt you in this way..but i know there is no point in finding out the truth when nothing about u should be of my concern anymore. but i just can't help but wonder what the truth is...i can't help but wonder have u ever lie to me. to you was it all just a show or did u really put ur heart in it like me..it kinda breaks my heart when i see u appearing offline once i pop online. sometimes i just wonder why u have to go to this extent. all of a sudden..we become strangers. the person who i once was so close to..is he still alive or did he disappear from the face of this earth the very moment he decided to put an end to everything...

in a blink of an eye all was lost

2009-10-22T21:29:00.002+08:00

listening to jay chou's songs again. my favourite all these years. i just realised that i had listened to his songs for 9 years already..ever since 2000. strange but it felt like i just heard these songs not too long ago..time flies..over these 9 years so many things happened. i turned from a 12 yr old to a 21 yr old.

his songs accompanied me through so many stuff all these years..the bad and good ones. some of his songs remind me so much of mummy, especially those that are from the album mummy bought.

so in this lonely night i sit alone in front of my laptop with jay chou's songs playing on my ipod reminiscing about the past once again....

one of my favourite...

一盏黄黄旧旧的灯
时间在旁闷不吭声
寂寞下手毫无分寸
不懂得轻重之分
沉默支撑跃过陌生
静静看着凌晨黄昏
你的身影
失去平衡
慢慢下沉

黑暗已在空中盘旋
该往哪我看不见
也许爱在梦的另一端
无法存活在真实的空间

想回到过去
试着抱你在怀里
羞怯的脸带有一点稚气

想看你看的世界
想在你梦的画面
只要靠在一起
就能感觉甜蜜

想回到过去
试着让故事继续
至少不再让你离我而去
分散时间的注意
这次会抱得更紧
这样挽留不知
还来不来得及

想回到过去

思绪不断
阻挡着回忆播放
盲目的追寻
仍然空空荡荡

灰蒙蒙的夜晚
睡意又不知躲到哪去
一转身孤单
已躺在身旁

caught in the memories of the past

2009-10-20T11:37:00.002+08:00

when will i be able to look back at the past memories without shedding another tear? when will my heart stops feeling as if it had been torn apart and wrinkled dried?

buried in the pit that i dug for myself

2009-10-18T23:45:00.003+08:00

why do i find myself desperately trying to cling on something that does not belong to me anymore?

somedays i feel happy & brave but then somedays i feel so down & small...i realise it's harder than i thought =( with all the other things lump together. when i am still trying to recover from this pain then waves & waves of trials came to test my ability to cope. i can only take this much u know.

why does it always have to be me? it doesn't pay to be kind, does it? at the end of the day who would appreciate me? i would only end up looking like a stupid fool trying to please everybody else. don't they know i am too weak at this moment now to take anymore of their nonsense?

if you can't help me or comfort me, at least don't afflict additional pain onto my raw wounds. i need time to recover. if u think i can just sleep & wake up forgetting everything and start to get on with my life..i am sorry i can't.

i used to have a pillar to fall on when bad things happen. but now it's gone. i know i shouldn't have allow myself to be so reliant. but what done is done,i can't turn back time.

now i am standing alone here & things had not gotten any easier.

i still cannot bring myself to put him in a bad light after all these. i should be feeling angry but all i feel is unbearable sadness. i am so useless. i dun even know how to be angry.

at my breaking point

2009-10-10T00:57:00.002+08:00

my oh my..one more month to exams!!! it's time for me to start getting my act together & start some serious mugging. i have became lazier over the time..sianz..i need to start writing notes again! need a bigger brain to absorb everything :(

despite my exams fears..i can't wait for exams to be over!! then i will be on my way back HOME :) even though this time round things may not be the same as before...oh wells..no point feeling sad over something that is not worth it.

i realise i can be quite strong. come on lah..after what happened 5 years ago..i realised nothing can hurt me that bad. time can't heal all wounds but at least the wounds will be less painful. if i can managed to survived till today..i don't see the point why i can't continue to live a beautiful life after all these.

no point harping on something that is over. no explanation given..so be it.

official mugging shall start tml. if not i am so dead.

time to shape up & wake up

2009-10-02T23:32:00.002+08:00

silence can be so scary..now i know. when will i wake up from this nightmare..i am tired..trying to stay happy suck so much energy from me now..

what if i lose my ability to smile?

how much longer can i hold on

2009-09-29T22:06:00.002+08:00

it's been 8 days since i last heard anything from him..what had happened? i feel like i am on a roller coaster ride now :( i had came out with all sort of excuses for him..but as time passes..being too busy to call seems almost unlikely...i don't like this..i am running out of excuses for him..all of a sudden i am not angry but scared..what is all these leading to? please do not do this to me..if you want to leave..please at least say something before you go..

stepping on unfamiliar grounds

2009-09-24T16:35:00.002+08:00

But every single tear I cry
is a diamond in His hands
and every door that slams in my face
I will offer up in prayer

So I'll give you every breath that I have
Oh Lord, you can work miracles
All that you need is my "Amen"

Take my five loaves and two fishes
Do with it as you willI surrender
Take my fears and inhibitions
All my burdens, my ambitions
You can use it all
I hope it's not too small
I trust in you I trust in you

listening to this corrinne may song makes me feel so much better.

went to the doc & had a MC for today. but was not given a MC tml so i will be taking two tests tml :( sadly the doc didn't want to give me any medicine. aus doctors are so different from sin doctors. but i shall not complain anymore. i know God has a plan for me. no matter what may come, i will accept it willingly. having faith gives me strength to overcome anything.

only you can create miracles

2009-09-23T16:31:00.002+08:00

i am sick again!!! terrible sore throat :( i hate this feeling..swallowing is such a torture now :( sadly there's no time for me to rest & recover. with 2 tests on thurs & fri, i can barely breathe. in conclusion 2nd year uni is a killer. i seriously can't imagine what 3rd year will be like :(

it's been 2 days since he last called me. feeling a bit weird because i m too used to hearing his voice everyday even though it's just for a little while. sometimes i wonder if he had stopped caring for me or had i became over reliant on him :(

heard some shocking news last night. i just hope everything turns out fine & will return to it original state. they are the only reason that i believe in everlasting love. love can be so fragile. i am scared. sometimes i think relationships really disappoint me after seeing so many failed examples.

is there a happily ever after

2009-09-15T21:21:00.002+08:00

my body finally gave way. i constantly have the urge to puke and i am down with fever. i skipped lect & came home to sleep. if not i would have just fainted in uni. felt a bit better aft sleeping & taking some medicine. i think i have been working my body too hard these days. i hate the feeling of being sick. it makes me feel lonely & it makes me misses home even more.

but at least someone cared. thank you jun for the porridge :) the nicest i have eaten so far. i am very touched indeed, i am normally the one who cooked porridge for others. other than daddy & mommy, i think no one else has ever cooked porridge for me. it's nice for once to be taken care of instead of always being the one to take care of others.

i am going to sleep early tonight. no more late nights. it's time for me to learn to take care of my own health. if daddy knows i am sick, i am sure he would have scolded me for sleeping late & not watching what i eat :(

where are you when i need you the most?

i need a break

2009-09-14T00:32:00.005+08:00

finally i did some shopping this week. i have not went shopping since i came back perth!!! so to be exact i had not shopped for 1 mth & 2 weeks. i am so deprived i tell u. but i am proud to say that i did not buy anything impulsively..haha..okies i hope.

i bought this country road bag since i am in need of a big bag for sch & gym. till now i am very pleased with it. i simply love the colour of the bag :) :) then saw a nice necklace that i really like,only realise that it was on sale when i pay for it. so that made me even happier :) haha..lastly i bought a body mist to use aft gym. enough shopping for now i guess. the next shopping trip will probably be after my exams in nov :p

country road bag

pretty necklace

smells real nice :)

there goes my weekend & here comes mon again. hope that i can be much more productive next week since i will be having 2 tests on the following week. if not i will be so dead :(

i just seems to have this bad habit. too often i am too preoccupied with your faults that i forget about all the little sacrifices that you had made for me. they may be small but nonetheless i know it's your way of showing your love for me. i can be so unappreciative at times.

it kind of strike me that i smile less when i am in perth. i seem to forget how to or i somehow lose the ability to be the happy go lucky me. it's kinda saddening since i was the one who made this decision. i have no one to blame & i have no right to whine.

i need to find my sunshine back

2009-09-11T00:39:00.002+08:00

i wonder how i can put up with all this sh** from you all this while. sometimes i amazed myself with my tolerance level. but there's a limit to things. i just can't stand how insensitive & selfish you can be at times. is it so hard for u to just try to be a little more thoughtful? i seldom feel so angry with anyone. please don't test my limits & patience. enough is enough.

talking about happier stuff :) :) 10 more weeks & i am going home!! i want to fly home straight after exam week. don't feel like wasting any possible time that could be spent in s'pore instead. hahaha..can't wait to have my 3 months break again :) :) come to think of it actually time had passed quite fast..i will be in 3rd year next year!!!

i can't wait to graduate...

feeling so exhausted today. i need a break.

need to break free from all these for a while

2009-09-06T19:23:00.000+08:00

every sunday i cannot help but have monday blues :( just dun want sun to end so fast & mon to arrive so early. but i guess the faster the time passes, the faster i will be able to go home.

i am missing home again. i wish i was there at xiang's 21st party..i had missed mel, pend & xiang birthday parties :( i am gg to miss kaya party too!!! kinda sad..but looking at the brighter side at least i manage to make it to lin & pistol ones.

i wonder how's everyone doing back home now. its been awhile since i chat with anyone back home. everyone is busy & the internet gets so bad at night that it gets impossible to sign into msn..hais..but even if i got onto msn , i don't think a lot of ppl will be online too.

i am having too many self proclaim holidays now. just wasted my weekend away watching hk drama...but i did work hard during tuition free week too..okies shall start my engine on mon again.

the worst thing is i am having food processing mid semester tml & i haven even look through the lecture notes yet.

yup shall continue on my winter holidays :) the star event during the end of june! my dearest lin 21st birthday celebration!!! even though it's just a small picnic at marina keppel bay but we had heaps of fun :):)

29 & 30 june

loves

four-ever

my dearest lin

the feast :) prepared by me & xiang!

happy birthday lin!!!

the birthday girl :)

light sticks = pretty~~~

the day before lin had a ktv celebration with her astro friends. xiang & i went to join them after we went shopping for lin's present together :) had loads of fun singing till midnight! the three of us then sat a taxi back to xiang's hse & had a stayover. the next day xiang & i had to rushed back to my hse to prepare the food & the card..haha..so u can imagine how tired we were after everything. but all was worth it for our darling lin :) :)

really can't wait to be home :) where all my lovely family & friends & yummy-licious food are waiting for me!

nothing can quite replace home

2009-09-02T00:40:00.005+08:00

even my blogskin is protesting. it wants a change. i can't believe that my old blogskin designer just inactive her account. so i am not able to use her blogskin anymore :( i like my old blogskin!!! i can't believe i have to change the blogskin which i have so faithfully used for 2 years. i hate changes. but now i know my blog is trying to make me accept the cruel fact that changes are a part & parcel of life. nothing stay the same forever.

this is the best that i could find so far. maybe i will stick with it. maybe i will change to a better one. since the background is black now i would have to change the colour and font size of my previous entries if i am gg to use this blogskin. shall do this when i have more energy.

all i want to do now is to lay on my bed & have a good sleep. the biochem test really had taken a tow on me.

as always changes are inevitable

2009-08-27T18:43:00.004+08:00

what if growing up becomes a pain & too much of a chore?

can i ask time to stop? can i turn the direction of the clock's hands in the opposite direction?

i am scared. i really am. i am scared that my life will not turn out the way that i had planned it to be. i am scared that before i knew it, time had passed me by and it's time for me to bid farewell to this world.

sometimes i wonder if she is still here with me now, what will she say to me? will she be pleased with what i am doing now?

loving him is getting harder these days. i thought that i should have gotten used to it a long time ago but i guess i was wrong. the same problems just keep resurfacing & i can sense that both of us are getting tired.

are all these too much for us to take? i am not brave. i dare not take a step forward fearing that the final fence i have around myself for self protection will be torn down. but i am also not willing to leave all these behind when we had went through so much together.

i used to think love can be so simple but now i know love can be so complicated too. there's always 2 sides to a coin i guess. love takes more than the effort of 2 people. it involved so many other factors...

when will i be able to find a love that i am certain that i will be able to spend the rest of my life with?

what if loving each other has become a habit and the initial feelings that we had before no longer exist? is it still called love?

someone please teach me what to do

2009-08-20T22:33:00.002+08:00

the long awaited parcel :)

i just love the bracelet!!! took me quite a while to find one that i really like:)

and there's a small surprise too:) the purple earphones!!! the nicest coloured earphones that i have came across:) :)

feeling the love

2009-08-17T23:39:00.003+08:00

i had set my goals and bravely took a step forward...

now it depends on my strength & determination to continue down this road. i believe i can do it this time round.
no more half hearted effort.

i believe that many months later down the road when i looked back i will be so glad i had taken the first step & stayed on :)

i need more than strength & courage

2009-08-16T01:33:00.003+08:00

a post specially for my dearest sister valerie chua :)

HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY!!!

can't believe that my sister is 17 years old already!!! oh man i do feel old :( once again it's another year of being away on my sis birthday.. but i hope u love the present & the card that i sent home. haha..was so glad that both managed to reach s'pore safely on time :)

LOVE YOU BABE :) ALWAYS WILL <3

let us make a wish upon the stars

2009-08-15T00:00:00.003+08:00

i just want to go back to the days where i would step down the scale with a happy & pleasing smile.

it's just get too cruel for me to step onto the scale now :( i looked into the mirror & saw the old me back in my sec sch days. the sight was too much for me.

have all the effort that i put in during my jc period gone to waste? sadly the answer is YES! all the early mornings of jogging & the restricted meals had gone down the drain. how & why did i allow myself to end in this stage? this is a question that i kept asking myself.

can u believe that i had actually gained almost 6 kg for the 1 1/2 years that i am in perth?

it's time for me to start doing something about it. before everything gets too late.

i have done it before & i am sure that i can do it again..

determination is the key to success

2009-08-13T19:01:00.003+08:00

another one of my moody days.. and here i am again..the only place where i can release my emotions is on my blog. i don't why but i just can't help missing home everytime i am in perth :( i can have a list of why i dislike perth so much...

1. the internet connection is so slow that its beyond description. everytime i see the page load for several minutes then the sign saying ' problem loading page server not found' i really want to pull my hair & scream 'what the hell!!!'. i am not a person who likes to lose my temper but it gets a bit too much when u have to face the same problem everyday.

2. the chore of having to think of what to have for my 3 meals. i am so sick of my own cooking now that i would happily give up anything to have my daddy's cooking. i just keeping eating the same things & i am geeting so sick of it. not to mention the lazy days when i just am in no mood to COOK!!!

3. HOUSEMATES. overall my hsemates are nice ppl minus-ing the fact that food is always going missing from the fridge :( and 'him' who's always getting on my nerves. i just hope that he'll treat me like any other normal person he knows. sigh..when u live with ppl who's not ur family there will bound to be problems. because no matter how bad things turn out between family members, we are always ready to forgive & forget. when it comes to friends it's a totally different issue.

4. failed diet plan. i hate how i always put on excess fats whenever i am in perth. i really don't want to graduate & return to s'pore with an extra 10 kg of fats on my body :(

5. being stuck in my own room :( back at home i m always walking ard the whole hse. since young i have no habit of staying in my room. i only go to my room when i need to sleep. the feeling of being enclosed in a small room is not appealing at all :(

even though i have wonderful friends in perth too...

but i just miss those days when i am at home with my sisters commenting on the tv programmes, discussing abt our days and just complaining about stuff.

i even miss being ordered around by valerie chua yuan yuan :( now u know how pathetic my life in perth can be.

sometimes i wondered if i had made the wrong choice

2009-08-11T21:55:00.002+08:00

25 june (thurs)

went shopping at causeway point with xiang & mel. after months of being deprived of shopping in perth. causeway point seems like a fabulous place to shop in :) at least it has the face shop, mos burger, sweet talk, pur pur and many other fav shops of mine.

actually causeway point brings back lots of memories :) it used to be the hangout place after sch for lin mel xiang & i in jc :) miss those days..would have given anything to go back to those happy times..not that i am trying to say we are not happy now but things just seems to be simpler back then..as we aged we & the things ard us do get more complicating :( sigh..disadvantages of growing up.

after that mel left then lin came to join me & xiang. we watched a jap movie " Threads of Destiny" and it's the most random movie that i had ever watched!!!! the storyline don't flow and things just happen so fast that u will be totally stunned. at the end of the movie the 3 of us just went " huh..i don't what the show is trying to tell us lor." the ending of the movie suck too. so basically the whole movie is completely horrible & we wasted our money :( but i am glad to be home with my darlings :) :)

let me side track a bit..
can you believe it!! perth cinemas dun sell sweet popcorns they only have salty popcorns!!! i swear i m gonna appreciate s'pore sweet popcorns & will eat them everytime i watched a movie!

26 june (fri)

jap buffet :) :) the one that i have been craving for so long!!! went with val & the cousins:) fun & fulfilling are the 2 perfect descriptions for the night. i ate sashimi, unagi ,tempura, snow crab and so many other stuff to make up for the lack of jap food in my life in perth. for me jap food is always yummy & delicious :) :)

after the buffet we even went to fashion bar at clarke quay to have a drink. haha..then stupid met gone drank.' got fish bite me!' i think none of us will ever forget that & it shall become our family joke :) haha..

being back at home with sister & cousins is something that i always look forward to :)

magnus & me

magnus & metilda

valerie & magnus

imelda & magnus

wifey & magnus

met

val

ime

me & my dessert :)

me & met

see, hear. speak no evil

random stuff

loves <3

me & val overwhelm by the food

my fav food :)

yummy sushi

at the end of the day all the waiting is worth it

2009-08-05T01:10:00.003+08:00

just some random thoughts...

i realise that in life, at many times ur relationships with other people depends a lot on fate & chemistry. when u put in too much effort to make things work, it just will not work out the way that u wished that it would. u just have to let nature take its course. what meant to be yours will become yours but if it was not meant to be then u will only tire urself out by trying too hard.

i should learn to be content. i want to be the happy-go-lucky girl that i am known for in s'pore. sometimes i think perth makes me ugly & fat too :( i become grumpy, quite & moody. maybe i should just break out of my homesick self & be the normal me. the one who smiles & laughs no matter how bad things are.

in this way i can be stronger.

i should live the way that please HIM & nobody else. Through his love & grace i will make it through. HE will make everything alright as HIS love is everlasting.

live by faith & not by sight

2009-08-03T20:30:00.021+08:00

24 june (wed)

finally got to meet my dear ah lin & ah xiang :) met xiang earlier to do some shopping in bugis..clothes were like $10 per piece :) cheap!!! and when lin came we did what we do best..EAT!!! buffet steamboat & bbq for $20 :) so cheap compared to perth!! the food variety was not bad but what really counts is the company :) we ate till we were super full..as usual taking the mrt home with them is so awesome :)

my darlings

seafood bbq

sweeties

steamboat + bbq

lin & xiang

xiang dear

lin dear

the feet pose

hearts them loads

23 june (tue)

first meet up with parteh animals since i am back. met at central to have ma masion but it was too crowded so we had mr curry instead :) the jap curry is delicious!! i really had a thing for jap food :P every jappy food is yummy!

as usual we had so much things to talk about..all my happenings in perth & all their happenings in s'pore. too bad central wasn't a very nice place to shop in. furthermore mel had to leave early due to her job :( this is like so weird bcos normally she will be the one who wants to stay out till real late. but i am so happy to see them after 4 mths..sometimes it gets a bit saddening to be so faraway cos i tend to miss out on the first hand news..haha..

mr curry

yummy food

mel

pistol

daph

pend

kaya

and

parteh animals

loves

friends that never fail to make me smile

2009-08-02T17:24:00.009+08:00

i decided to attempt blogging about my winter holidays but i don't think one blog entry will be enough. i shall update a little each time.

so after reaching sin at 3am on fri, i went for supper with val, des & my cousins. i was so happy to see them!!! was extremely touched that des & magnus came despite having to work at 8am..then we headed home after the supper & i just stayed at home on fri just in case i caught some h1n1 virus on the plane. on sat i went church with val & eug :) its a special bonding time for sisters since its the first time 3 of us go church tgt! just glad to have these 2 angels in my life <3

20/6 - city harvest church with val & eug

on sun, went on my first date with des since 18 feb. missed him so much!!! we didn't do much..just went to eat at our fav whampoa market & watched a movie. most of the time des just sat there listening patiently as i rattle off :D

21/6- the one who's always giving in to my demands

mon was shopping at far east with my 2 darling cousins met & ime :) :) orchard mrt changed so much & for a moment i was lost. frantically looking ard wondering which is the direction that i should walk in. far east is a fantastic place to shop in! we had wanton noodles for lunch..the wanton noodle wasn't that nice though. the noodle was a bit tasteless but the wantons were so salty!! but still edible i guess..haha..

ime

met

wanton noodles

time can't erase a feeling this strong

2009-07-31T11:40:00.006+08:00

so i am back in perth once again..after awhile this gets real tiring. and to think that i have still one more year to go after this sem :(

last night my dad called me & i can sense that he really miss me. he actually told me to go back & find a job after i graduate.haha..for once he nv ask me to stay & get my PR.

first week in uni & things are still going slow. but i know this sem is not going to be easy. with 3 very diffcult units in hand & with so many clashing deadlines and test dates. i guess i have to burn countless midnight oil in the months to come.

the winter holiday this time round was AWESOME!! even though it was so short & i wasn't able to meet many frens that i had planned to meet :( i will make it up to u guys on my next summer holidays!! so sorry :(

thank you for giving me strength when i need it the most.
if i ever doubted your love for me..please forgive me.

when all else fades your love still remains

2009-06-21T01:36:00.007+08:00

so i am finally back home:) :) reached singapore ard 3am on friday!!! first thing was to go and have supper with my sister, cousins & bf :) the ba zhor mee tasted very nice!! i think it is because i haven't eaten it for too long & had been craving for it for ages!!!

time spend with them are always fun!!! but all of us were too tired to take more photos..

yes i am so so so so glad that i am HOME :) :)

magnus

val magnus me

waiting for the food happily :)

nowhere feels better than home

2009-06-17T23:19:00.003+08:00

i can't believe this day has finally arrive!!!! after months of countdowns, i am finally going home tomorrow!!!!! i am so happy that exams is finally over :)

my happiness and excitement is beyond description :)

in 22 hours time...

finally going back to where i belong

2009-06-12T16:50:00.003+08:00

four down and with two more to go...i can't believe i only slept 4 hrs last night. tried to sleep this afternoon when i am back but failed :( i dunno what to feel about the nutrition physio paper...all i have to say that i am so glad it is over..cos i am now like a HUGE step closer to going home :)

tonight will try to do as much as food safety as my brain would allow me to then tml will be a full day of biochem. i seriously ought to be very worried about this unit too..cos i have only been scrapping through the tests :( this sem don't seem as promising as last year :(

i am mentally drained...i need sleep.........

6 more days....

suddenly time seems to be moving again